You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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