Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
