$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
