he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
