he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
false alarm. still invincible.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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