Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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