trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
