Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize