I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
