Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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