i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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