I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
