You made me cry and you don't even care
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
