hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
