I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
