I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
