booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
