I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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