cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
