what day is it and did you see me today?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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