these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
