So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
