I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
they're like a gay fantastic four
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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