HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
