when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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