i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
