Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
