you mean i was at the winter classic?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
