You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
