sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
