at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize