I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
