a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
