if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
