actually, I'm a sock model
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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