Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
