I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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