Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
