he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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