real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize