so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
