Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
