Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
