So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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