what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
