The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
