I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well I just put wine in my tea
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
