just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize