his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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