11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
