Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
