Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
