from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
