Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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