Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
