you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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