My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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