hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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