sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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