He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
