fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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