I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
