You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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