Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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