You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
