piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
