Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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