Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
