I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My vagina is officially offended.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
