What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
