took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
