Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
