I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
