So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
